Stumble You Might Fall
by Katt9966
Summary: A sequel to "Lost For Words". Slash. Dark themes.


Title: - Stumble You Might Fall

Author: - Katt

Rating: - R

Pairing: - Ford/Sheppard, implied Sheppard/McKay, Ford/Teyla

Series: - Lost For Words Part 2

Warnings: - Dark themes

Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

Archive: - I'd be honoured

Disclaimer: - No infringement intended. "Connected" by "Stereo MC's" was written by Robert Birch, Nicholas Hallam, Harry Wayne Casey, Richard Raymond Finch.

Author's Notes: - A couple of people asked for a sequel to "Lost For Words" so here it is. As "Lost For Words" was a song fic I decided to make this one a song fic too --- it seemed appropriate, besides any excuse so I can indulge myself LOL.

Stumble You Might Fall

"Somethin' ain't right

I'm gonna get myself, I'm gonna get myself

I'm gonna get myself connected

I ain't gonna go blind, for the light which is reflected

I see through you, I see through you

I see through you, I see through you

Ya dirty tricks. Ya make me sick

I see through you, I see through you

I'm gonna do it again, I'm gonna do it again

I'm (gonna do it again, gonna do it again)

Gotta do right (gonna do it again)

'Cause somethin' ain't right (gonna do it again)

Gotta do right, come on

If you make sure you're connected, the writing's on the wall

But if your mind's neglected, stumble you might fall

Stumble you might fall

Stumble you might fall."

John reached out and watched as his palm slid over the cold glass of the mirror. A path was cleared through the condensation, and it revealed his reflection. He stared at his face. His eyes studying every detail, from his flat, wet hair, to his slightly down-turned mouth. He wondered when he'd turned into a monster.

He kept justifying it to himself – it was the pressure, the death, Ford wanted it, what Rodney, and Teyla for that matter, didn't know wouldn't hurt them, it was a harmless buddy-fuck… On and on, excuse after excuse. It sounded pathetic even to John, but to some extent he believed every one of his little self-delusions.

He did feel under tremendous pressure, and it wasn't what he'd signed up for. This was supposed to be Colonel Sumner's command, but after John's bullet had cut short Sumner's career, he'd suddenly found himself as the ranking military officer. Suddenly people looked to him for answers, for daring plans, for reassurance. Suddenly these strangers became "his" people, they were his responsibility, and despite his lackadaisical exterior, John always took his responsibilities seriously.

Then there were the dead to contend with. As John thought of them he inadvertently glanced down at his hands, feeling like Lady MacBeth, his hands stained in innocent blood. The blood of those who'd suffered at the hands of the Wraith, the nightmare that he'd awoken. Of course he had the blood of the not so innocent on his conscience too, he could still see the faces of every Genii he'd killed when he closed his eyes at night. Just because he'd known what had had to be done when they'd invaded Atlantis, and just because he'd ruthlessly and efficiently done it, didn't mean it hadn't changed him. Every death he was responsible for made John's soul feel a little bit dirtier, a little more lost.

Right now only one person anchored John. The person who'd shared his bed the night before, and if John walked back into his bedroom he knew he'd see the indentation in the pillow where Rodney's head had rested, and he'd be able to feel the residual heat that his body had left behind in the sheets. Rodney thought he knew him. He thought John was this white knight, chivalrous and brave. He bought into the Major John Sheppard act. The charming exterior, full of boyish grins, gentle touches and soft words. John made damn sure that Rodney never saw the other side of him. He never saw the eyes of the cold killer, the manipulator, the user. No, he saved that part of himself for Ford. Jesus, he'd taken the kid's hero-worship and perverted it to his needs, and the worst thing was he enjoyed it.

He knew he should stop, he knew he risked his relationship with Rodney, but he also knew that he craved the release he got with Ford. It was purely carnal, all about him, about what he needed. He didn't have to think about anyone but himself. The pressure would build up inside him until he'd feel his whole body singing with the tension of it. He'd be unable to sleep, unable to keep still, and when he'd look down at his hands he'd find them trembling. At those moments he'd need Ford, he'd use him, and John knew that was selfish and wrong. Maybe he should vow to stop. God knows he'd made that promise to himself before, only to break it when his hands started to tremble again.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror again John watched, feeling detached, as he practiced his grin. Freezing it on his face, checking that it still looked convincing, and he tried to ignore the way his hands shook so badly he had to grasp the edge of the sink.

"I, ain't gonna go blind

I'm gonna get myself, I'm gonna get myself

I'm gonna get myself connected

I ain't gonna go blind, for the light that is reflected

Hear me out

Do it again, do it again

Do it again, do it again

I wanna do it again, I wanna do it again

I wanna go through it again

Ya terrified (I wanna do it again)

Ain't gonna go blind, ain't gonna go blind

(I wanna do it again) here we go

If you make sure you're connected, the writing's on the wall

But if your mind's neglected, stumble you might fall

Stumble you might fall, hear me out

Stumble you might fall."

Licking his lips John watched them from the shadows. Teyla was ostensibly teaching Ford some Althosian hand-to-hand fighting techniques, but John knew it was just an excuse for the pair of them to grapple with each other, and get all hot and sweaty in public. He didn't miss the lingering touches or lust-filled glances they sent each other. He watched as Teyla found herself pinned to the floor under Ford's body, one thigh pressed between her legs, his hands on her shoulders, their faces inches apart. They looked into each other's eyes for a split second too long before they broke apart, and John decided he'd seen enough.

Stepping out from his place of concealment he felt a little malicious thrill go through him when Teyla jumped at the sound of his voice from behind her,

"Private lessons Lieutenant?"

Ford looked flustered for a moment, guilty even, before replying,

"Um…Teyla was just showing me some moves Sir."

"I could see that." Sheppard told Ford, before turning to Teyla. "Perhaps you could give classes. I'm sure some of the marines would find your experience valuable."

Teyla eyed him a little warily for a moment, and John silently cursed himself for letting a note of coldness creep into his voice when he'd spoken to her. To off-set his tone he gave her one of his best, most practiced, disarming grins, and was satisfied when he saw her relax.

"I would be pleased to share what I know Major."

"I'm sure you would Teyla…thank you." John turned to go, but after a couple of steps he turned back. He gave a genuine smile of pleasure this time when he saw Ford tense slightly under his renewed scrutiny.

"Oh, and Lieutenant, don't forget our meeting later to go over the weapons inventory. I hope you'll be well prepared?" John asked.

"Yes Sir. Thank you for reminding me. I'll be there." Ford told him, trying to stifle the eager look on his face.

"I'm sure you will be Lieutenant. Oh, and afterwards I thought we could all get together, a team night. You know…hang out, watch some football, tease McKay, eat some snacks. What do you say Teyla?"

"I'd enjoy that Major."

"Good…well carry on. Oh, and Teyla don't go so easy on him this time huh? I'm sure Ford can take it."

"Interstate five stayin' alive

Won't someone try open up your eyes

You must be blind if you can't see

The gaping hole called reality

Wanna do it again, I know I'm gonna do it again

I wanna do it again, come on, I'm gonna do it again

Hear me out, terrified

Somethin' ain't right, here we go

If you make sure you're connected, the writing's on the wall

But if your mind's neglected, stumble you might fall

Stumble you might fall

Stumble you might fall."

One of the best things about Atlantis was that if you wanted to get away from everybody it wasn't that difficult. The city was huge and they occupied a tiny piece of it. A transporter could whisk you as far away from people as you wanted to go. John stood on a balcony in one of the largely unexplored regions of the city. He leant against the railing, gazing out at the calm ocean, enjoying the feel of the breeze on his face, and the smell of the sea.

Just as he knew it would, the door behind him swept open with a sound almost like a sigh. Without turning he said,

"You're late."

"I'm sorry. I…I wanted to make sure I…ah…"

Turning to face Ford, John raised an eyebrow at the flustered look on the young Lieutenant's face.

"What?" John asked.

"I…ah…wanted to make sure I was…prepared."

"And are you Lieutenant?" Unlike previously with Teyla, John purposefully made his voice sound hard and cold as he slowly moved forward, stalking the other man, and was rewarded by a shiver passing through Ford's body at his tone.

"Yes…yes I am." Ford replied, dropping his eyes.

"Is that any way to address a superior officer Lieutenant?" John asked, beginning to enjoy this game.

"No Sir. Sorry Sir."

"That's better. Now assume the position."

Ford immediately turned and faced the wall, reaching up he braced his hands against it.

"Good." John breathed into his ear, his hands reaching around Ford's waist, undoing his pants.

Ford trembled as John pulled them down, and he felt the cold air against his flesh. Groaning when John brushed a hand lightly across one smooth buttock.

Leaning against Ford, John let him feel his still clothed erection pressing against his skin. His hands, ghosted over Ford's own hardness, but not for too long, this was about John's satisfaction, not Ford's – those were the rules of the game. John allowed his lips to brush against Ford's ear as he whispered,

"You'd better have prepared yourself Lieutenant, or else this is gonna hurt like a bitch."

Freeing his own erection John held it in one hand, while parting Ford's buttocks with the other. He didn't hesitate to thrust himself forward, and sank into Ford's body in one lunge. He paused once he was fully sheathed in the tight heat he craved long enough to murmur,

"Good boy."

At his words he felt Ford's stretched and lubricated ass twitch around his cock. Grinning he partially pulled out and, gripping Ford's hips, began fucking the young man hard and fast.

John lost himself in the sensation. Let it engulf him, and carry him along. His mind a blank he didn't have to worry about anything, or anybody. He could just let himself feel. Tightening his grip on Ford's hips so hard that he left ten tiny half-moon shaped cuts from his nails in his flesh, John didn't notice that his hands had stopped trembling.


End file.
